I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
