how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
