Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
