I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
