I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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