I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize