She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could fuck to npr.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
