I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So much rum. So many feels.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
