I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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