I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
