also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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