I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Found your dick twin last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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