my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everything about him screamed your future.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
