I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
