Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
