He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
