I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
