Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
