Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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