Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.