its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders