I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.