why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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