dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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