y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
