the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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