I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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