I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
