Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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