I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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