how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
