we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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