I have demons in me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
