I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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