I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
