Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
