i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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