hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
did you just send me my own nude
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
