nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
