What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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