YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
