I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
