Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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