i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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