Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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