Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
