i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
