Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
