Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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