There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
