it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!