I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.