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Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
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