omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.