Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂