sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.