they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.