2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
