ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
