dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
