haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
