Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
