erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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