at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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