Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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