I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
