I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
