Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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