dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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