didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
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dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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